Chinese take-out, W-T-F

So, tonight I had a big flop of a dinner. Considering the contents of my refrigerator currently hold one hunk of goat cheese, a half jar of artichoke tapenade, a taylor ham and an entire 3 shelves devoted to condiments (Yes, I have about 10 different types of mustard in there) I was kind of out of ideas for homemade meal options. I don't even have milk anymore. I contemplated cereal and water...oh please, don't judge. You know you've thought about cereal and water when you're desperate.

Anywhooooo, here comes the fun part. CHINESE take-out! Whoo hooo. I don't know about you guys, but I remember a day when chinese take out was like the total bees knees. My mom would say we were getting Chinese take-out and my mind would light on fire, happiness shot through me, rainbows sprouted from my stuffed animals, I could barely concentrate, even taking a shower seemed like fun. The deep fried egg rolls filled with little unidentified bits of light green stuff with tiny weird shaped mini balls of pink meat. The delightful peppersteak oozing with brown sauce peppered with red and green crunchy peppers. Ahhhhhh, the wonton soup. Heaven in a bowl with little pouches of love and tiny slivers of pork floating around them. The light sprinkle of scallions on top. So delicious, so 1993.

Ok, so, here's my question of the night. WHEN DID CHINESE TAKE OUT BECOME SO, SO BORING? I don't know. I'm just not feeling the love anymore from this genre of food.

Is it because when we were younger Chinese food was exotic? Think about it. What else was there? I didn't even know mango existed until I was like 16 years old. When I was 10 (think 1993) Chinese food was like literally eating brain in todays standards. There was not much else. No sushi. Well, maybe sushi but most everyone was like "Ew, raw?! Say whhhhhhaaaaaa" and definitely no Indian food...options were extremely limited.

Or is it because Chinese food restaurants are literally taking over the country? There are 15 Chinese restaurants in my town alone.

Or is it because I'm just old now?

The options confound me and I'm left in a chinese food quandary. I wish I could go back to the days of doing the "dance of joy" (think Balky Bartakamous, gosh, i love him) for take-out chinese but instead  i'm left emotionless and purely saddened by it's utter lack of excitement. Why is this happening to me? Now of all times when I just don't have the time to cook!

Moving onward, I have some fun food plans for this weekend. Two dinners out at pretty fancy places!

Friday I am going to Marcus Samuelson's (Top Chef Masters winner) restaurant 'Red Rooster' where they serve such items as braised oxtail with mother's milk stout and plaintain or spiced duck liver pudding with duck pastrami, almond and pears!

And, Saturday I'm going to Abe & Arthur's Steakhouse. Steak is my best friend. No, seriously. Steak has always been there for me since day one.

That is all! Ciao for now and goodnight.

ps. what's your go-to Chinese take-out order???

Can you shoot fried chicken in your veins?

Have you ever had the delicious, succulent flavor of Popeye's chicken hit your tongue? Or the crispy skin crunch beneath your molars? I have. I did it last night at the mall actually.

The illuminated red 'Popeyes' sign hit my eyes like a rock. God, I needed it. The signs brightness over took me and I could smell the grease from what seemed like miles away.

I was pulled from the escalator to the food court like I was magnetized to it. It drew me in like a drug addict might need the drug. I am a chicken addict and it might kill me. Is chicken worse than drugs? I'm not sure. Drugs can ruin your life, even kill you but so can fried chicken, right? Clogged arteries.

 I don't want to die early.

"A number two I said, two legs" Why, WHY? I scream inside. Why must these crunchy pieces of chicken draw me in like this? Why must they tempt me so?

I got a water instead of a coke to make my meal healthier. I paid for my chicken. I waited. The girl took my money and I watched her approach the extensive pile of fried chicken. It looked sad. So many pieces of chicken just laying there. To think of all the chickens that died. I thought that in my mind but, knew I still wanted the chicken. Why would such a sick thing pass through my head but I still wanted to devour it? I guess I will never understand myself.

The chicken was plentiful in breasts and wings but where for art thou my fried chicken legs? I started getting antsy and quite anxious. My skin crawled and I needed the chicken. The lady got her shiny tongs out and continued searching for legs.

She found them. She picked them up with her magical tongs and shook like crazy to release the grease. The beautiful flow of yellow grease flew off in dribbles and splattered in what seemed to be beautiful greasy swirls. I could picture it in slow motion. How could fried chicken grease be so beautifully splattered I thought in my head. Finally she handed me the box. Finally.

I walked to my table. Ate my chicken while watching Usher on an overhead TV screen. I got what I needed. My fried chicken frenzy. A night of emotional chicken craziness. Chicken overtakes me sometimes.